January has been a sad month because I came down with the flu. Have you ever been too sick to knit?
Well, that is me this month, too sick to even do the one thing that provides me peace and comfort. I just lay there in a heap with mounds of tissues, cough syrup and bottles of over the counter remedies, unable to read or even focus on television. With the ear and sinus infection I didn’t even want to hear the tv or music. Yuk!
I didn’t even want to look at yarn.
I did, however, greatly enjoy my lovely knitted creations. I wore every pair of my colorful socks, kicking them on and off as the fever ebbed and swelled. The beautiful Oakland shawl kept me cozy when I was shivering and was a pillow when I wasn’t. At one particularly bad day, I was curled up like a cashew hugging the shawl like it was Linus’s security blanket. I twined my super long Santa Fe scarf around my sore throat when I had to go out.
The whole time I was wearing my knitted things, even though I felt awful, I felt like I was taking care of myself. I felt like I had a good dose of self love, in knitted form. My friends and family know that everything I make for them is a fuzzy expression of my love for them. One dear friend even calls her shawl “Heather love”.
It never occurred to me that I could apply this and feel love for myself from my own creations. Usually I feel like I am being selfish when I knit for me. I enjoy knitting because of the yarn or the design or the mastery of a technique but I never think, “you deserve something pretty like this”, or “you are going to feel so great when you wear this”, or “this is special, just for me, I am so lucky”.
My revelation was that I can knit for me, just because I want to and not feel selfish about it. I too deserve the love I knit into every stitch and should revel in it.
I am putting aside the mound of knitting that I feel obligated to do and am going to focus on just making myself happy for a while. If I get bored I will switch to my ongoing projects for others and enjoy them, instead of feeling burdened by them.
Now that I am finally starting to feel better today (in fact I made soup and pie just for me!) I hope to finish a pair of socks I started last fall and start a new pair with my bacon striped yarn.
Here’s to a new year filled with good things, for me, and without guilt.